So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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