A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
