My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
