I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
