i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
