I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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