Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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