Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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