this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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