brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
