I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
