Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're like the curious george of whores
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
