i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize