Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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