how can u be prego again
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm like, not good at living.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
