we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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