I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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