she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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