It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
