Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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