There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
