Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
