he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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