I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my liver is dry heaving
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
