Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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