glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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