I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
