My friends, they love my intelligence
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
