I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize