my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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