what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
