I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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