i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
A+ Viking dick
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
