we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
