Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
