well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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