i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
