Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
