He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
