A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
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