In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
