I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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