Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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