I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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