Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So vagazzling was a success
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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