I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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