I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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