my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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