i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
