you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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