She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
