Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
