i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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