he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
