dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
