I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
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Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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