My liver just broke up with me...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
