Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
