I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
