1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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